It was far too difficult leaving the Centre. I had traveled there with the intentions of losing myself from the western world – becoming a stranger, an invisible wanderer known only to the animals I was caring for. But as soon as I glanced away for the final time from WFFT on Sunday, I realised that apart from the elephants I would most of all miss the incredibly diverse people I had met, and since then I have been craving their company intensely.
I left the Centre on the weekend and will be in Phuket until I leave for New Zealand on Saturday. I’m no stranger to my own company, but I feel a strong loneliness. It was also a huge shock to come out of rural Thailand into this racey, busy tourist world packed with ‘phalangs’. I feel envious of my friends back at the Centre, working so hard during their days but going to bed with satisfied smiles on their faces. Eventually I will realise that it was the perfect time for me to leave, but in this moment my thoughts are still back there with the animals and the like-minded people I love so much.
If I’m not to stay at WFFT, I feel ready to go straight back to New Zealand rather than staying here in Phuket for a few more days. It would be good to properly reflect on the past two months in a space in which I feel familiar. I miss wildlife rescue work. I love New Zealand, but… but there is always a ‘but’. I have a habit of acting impulsively on my feelings, so is it a good thing I need to go back to NZ? Or have my years of ‘thinking about life’ been enough to prove that something needs to change…?
In the meantime I will continue writing about the experiences at WFFT; I did run out of time for it while I was there, and internet access was limited. I just wanted to update everyone on where I am presently.